“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Maya Angelou
Happy Monday!
I hope you had a fabulous weekend!
I’ve been thinking about wordsmithing and stories lately. As a psychotherapist and ordained minister, I have a unique perspective on storytelling from multiple angles. Not surprisingly, there are two specific aspects, although I can think of others, that especially intrigue me. They are the untold stories buried deep inside that cause challenging habits and narratives, and the untold stories that have yet to come to fruition.
The first type of untold stories, buried deep within, are those rooted in beliefs we held about situations and words that caused us pain. These stories have contributed to our emotional instability and challenge our mental health. They include experiences like unstable parents, bullying, unfair treatment, trauma, and any situation beyond our control that damaged our sense of self or led us to believe falsehoods. Common examples are caregivers who were substance abusers or neglectful, or distortions of self-image resulting from messages that we were not attractive enough, smart enough, or capable, regardless of the origin.
These kinds of negative programming can have lifelong effects, leading to emotional unavailability, harsh self-criticism, criticism of others, and unhealthy life choices. The good news is there’s help to overcome old tapes and programming. The better news is that we can live free and productive lives if we invest time and do the work, whether it’s in a clinician’s office, a pastor’s office, a spiritual director’s office, or a combination of all three.
The second type of untold story is the one that has yet to be written. It’s the story within that is begging for airtime. This story is something we dream about. Maybe it’s plans for the future, like a better job, a bigger home, a family of our own, a vacation on a lush beach with nothing pressing to think about besides getting an even tan, or retiring with enough financial stability to keep us from worrying.
It could also be the dream of making an impact through a book, song, or something we build or create. The untold story might involve giving back to someone or a group who has guided and supported us. It could also be something we keep hidden because of a fear of failure or a fear of success. Both fears can hold us back and cause us to downplay the importance of pursuing our deepest desires.
Maya Angelou shares a lovely, poetic take on these yet-to-be-developed stories:
Ms. Angelou captures the essence of suppressing our stories. It can be agonizing. There’s pain in keeping things inside that eats away at us. Keeping secrets can be painful due to shame, confusion, and the lies they hide. It’s disheartening to have a dream and not be able to make it real. Sometimes, holding it in can cause more harm when what we need is to let go of whatever’s holding us back. This is especially true when it’s a burning desire that can’t be satisfied until we create, share, or express in some meaningful way.
Here are a couple of related verses from Scripture:
“Gideon arrived just as a man was telling a friend his dream. “I had a dream,” he was saying.” Judges 7:13a (NIV)
“When Gideon heard the telling of the dream and its interpretation, he dropped to his knees before God in prayer.” Judges 7:15a (MSG)
“In the first year of Belshazzar king of Babylon Daniel had a dream and visions appeared in his mind as he lay on his bed; then he wrote the dream down and related a summary of it.” Daniel 7:1 (AMP)
“But while he thought about these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, ‘Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit.’” Matthew 1:20 (NKJV)
In each of the references above, we see the benefits of sharing our stories instead of keeping them inside. Sometimes our dreams are what change the course of people’s lives. Sometimes our dreams have the power to change history. And sometimes telling our story alters our future.
If we have an untold story, maybe it’s time to let go of the agony of the past and begin to heal. Perhaps we might consider releasing the agony of suppression and begin to pursue our dreams. These releases can be life-changing. They may also be instrumental in helping someone else realize their dreams or find the courage to face what’s been causing the agony and seek help. Please know that there’s power in telling our stories.
Whatever the case, I wish you courage in the pursuit, peace in the process, and abundant blessings as you share your stories!
Be Well & Be Blessed!
Lucinda
