I have a friend who has attempted suicide two times. We grew up together in the same neighborhood. He’s living a miserable life with constant pain from an injury when he served in Afghanistan. My brother and I have told him we’re available anytime of the night or day if he needs to talk or be with someone. He has talked to counselors on the suicide hotline, and we’ve accompanied him when he has doctors and psychologist appointments but nothing seems to help. He feels better for a time and then he’s back in the black hole. He’s on pain meds that he says do not help. We really care about this guy and plan to help him however and whenever we can. In addition to prayer, what else could we be doing for him that might help him live a normal life? – My Brother’s Keeper

 

Dear My Brother’s Keeper ~

My heart is filled with compassion for your friend and the trauma he’s endured. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is one of those insidious maladies that often evades relief with any permanency. As you noted, prayer is a primary strategy for combating suicidal ideation and trauma recovery. You can remind your friend of the promises in Jeremiah 29:11-12. Even when it doesn’t feel as though He cares, the Lord has plans for all of us. They’re good plans because He’s a good God and not capable of evil since it’s not in His character. He promises hope, especially when we’re feeling defeated and lost, and He promises us a good future. There’s no mistake in His plans because none of us came into this world by accident; each of us has a purpose and a destiny to fulfill.

I believe another essential element is to keep the dialog open and constant. Very few of us are comfortable with talking about suicide, but honest communication assists us in going beneath the tip of the iceberg and into the underlying thoughts and behaviors that contribute to feelings of loneliness and despair. Open discussion is a form of life-affirming care that you and your brother can provide by validating your friend’s feelings and helping him to access his purpose in life.

Understanding trauma and grief are not a customary part of our culture, so offering your friend the opportunity to speak freely about his experiences without judgment and without, necessarily, trying to problem-solve for him, will give him a platform to create a new normal. He probably has not looked at his life this way. We become captives or our past dreams and plans and find it impossible to see how moving forward can be attainable. Creating a new normal is a way of acknowledging our past experiences with respect and honor, then moving into a new, adjusted future with all the possibilities of the fullness of life. It might not look the way we had planned, but it sure can be encouraging and hopeful.

Your friend has a story to tell. It’s valuable and will be exactly what someone else needs to hear. Perhaps you can explore with him a creative way to tell his story, be it through writing, music, or art, as an expression of his inner-most narrative. Another avenue might be grief counseling in a setting that acknowledges both the trauma and loss of military service. A third option might be engaging in freedom ministries such as SOZO, Cleansing Stream International, or Emerge Global Alliance. These ministries are structured to gently deal with past hurts, through prayer and meditation, providing assistance in accessing freedom from the old baggage.

I wish you, your brother, and your friend peace in the process and the Father’s blessings of life-giving hope.

Blessings!

Lucinda