Happy Monday!
I trust you had a pleasant weekend. Many spent some time at the beach, river, lake, or pool, looking for some refreshment from the heat. Others may have engaged in a favorite sport, like golf or baseball, just for the fun and camaraderie. Finally, I’ll bet some of us stayed indoors with adequate air-conditioning. Whatever your choice, I hope you took time for yourself to get recharged for the activities of the coming week.
I spent some time preparing for my oldest daughter’s birthday this weekend. As I reflected on the time that’s passed since she was born, I found it difficult to believe that so much has happened in the last 28 years. I went from complete nurturing to the beginnings of teaching her responsibility and appropriate behavior to encouraging her strength and independence. My first thought was, “What was I thinking, raising her to be independent.” Had I known she would become precisely that, I may have redesigned my parenting strategies. It’s so hard to let go!
My daughters have grown into lovely, strong, independent women, which is terrific for them. I, on the other hand, have had to adjust. They don’t need me to do anything for them. As a nurturer, that aspect has been more than challenging. But, as a proud Mama, I applaud their tenacity, courage, and ethical living.
I found this quote that sums up the process nicely:
As parents, we’re merely borrowing our children to give them a good start in life. Our job is to provide for their needs, encourage their growth and development, and prepare them to face the world with tenacity and surety. It’s tough to stand in the wings and watch them manage their trials, particularly when they’re hurting. But, quietly watching is our new normal. Of course, we’re there to add wisdom when they request our participation, but we can feel powerless and sometimes overlooked in the interim of waiting.
Madeleine Albright shares wisdom on the topic. She writes:
“I think the hardest thing for a mother is to make it possible for a child to be independent and at the same time let the child know how much you love her, how much you want to take care of her, and yet how truly essential it is for her to fly on her own.”
Ms. Albright captured my thoughts and emotions about my changing parental role. I’m learning to embrace the moments of holding my tongue, most of the time, and am daily pursuing vicarious joy through their accomplishments. But, as a mom of grown women, I need to find my validation elsewhere.
Scripture lends additional direction:
“And now a word to you parents. Don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather, bring them up with the loving discipline the Lord himself approves, with suggestions and godly advice.” Ephesians 6:4 (TLB)
Letting go is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage and commitment to continue the support and love we parents have tried to provide. It also takes discipline and a willingness to allow our children to make their own mistakes, even when we see a different process. And, it takes loving them unconditionally regardless of the present situation.
Some of us may not have had those types of parents. Perhaps we raised ourselves or had unfortunate trauma experiences. Yet, we can still learn to grow ourselves, parenting ourselves and our children healthily. Consider the possibilities. If we need help, there are many resources, mental, emotional, and spiritual, that will help in the transformation. Be curious and reach out for assistance. Maybe assist someone you know in finding needed help.
Enjoy your week of wonderment in letting go!
Be Well & Be Blessed!
Lucinda
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