“Grief never ends, but it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, not a lack of faith. It is the price of love.” Author Unknown
Happy Monday!
I hope you had a lovely weekend!
Loss comes in unpredictable and unanticipated times. We know grief is a natural and healthy response to loss, but we often feel conflicted, unsure of how to act, what to do, what’s expected of us, and frankly, how to go on. We’re afraid of our feelings. We’re confused, angry, sad, depressed, and experience a myriad spectrum of unfamiliar emotions.
Some of us were raised in cultures where grief is a natural part of life’s providence, and we learn how to handle it with dignity. Many of us, however, were not taught how to cope with loss and grief and find ourselves at a distinct disadvantage. Some may face serious existential crises, finding it nearly impossible to move on.
At these times, I’d like to remind us to be gentle with ourselves and with those we know who are struggling. You see, our journeys are each uniquely informed. We can’t begin to understand someone else’s reference points or established routines. There are also no perfect ways to grieve. What we do know, however, is that the grieving process needs to happen for our mental health to establish a new balance.
Brene Brown wrote the following in her book Rising Strong:
“We run from grief because loss scares us, yet our hearts reach toward grief because the broken parts want to mend.”
Brown’s words suggest that the way to heal from grief is to walk through it so we can mend the broken parts. That might look like sharing memories and pleasant times. Maybe it’s mindful reflection through breathing, meditation, and engaging in thoughtful activities. Often, it’s being present with loved ones also struggling with the loss, grieving with them, and holding silent space for them.
Scripture shows us a model of being present and holding space for someone who is grieving in the story of Job:
“So, they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.” Job 2:13 (NKJV)
I love that his friends sat down with him. They didn’t talk to fill the empty space, they didn’t busy themselves, they didn’t do anything but sit with him in his pain. They were present. Offering the gift of your presence to someone in need is an incredible gift ~ a priceless expression of love.
Unresolved grief can be devastating and has the potential to cause more profound damage in the future. The kindest and most supportive action we can take for ourselves and others is to process our thoughts and feelings. We do need to sit with our pain and help others with their grieving process to allow thoughtful contemplation for the feelings to surface. The beauty is that time heals and helps the pain of loss change.
Reach out to those around you who have experienced loss this week. Grieve with them, cry with them, hold space for them. Your actions may be the most incredible kindness you can offer!
Be Well & Be Blessed!
Lucinda
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