“We can improve our relationships with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics.”

Joyce Meyer

Happy Monday! 

I hope you had a nice weekend!

Several times this past week, I was reminded of relationship challenges. Often there are disputes due to inadequate communication. It’s interesting how we believe people can hear our thoughts and how surprised we are when others don’t understand us. Our expectations aren’t met, and we feel misunderstood.

Maybe we are extraordinary communicators, but our audience doesn’t get it. An important aspect to consider is whether or not we’re communicating in a way that others can receive. For example, we could be using a metaphor about how automobiles operate. If the hearer doesn’t know anything about cars (I would be one of those people), the references, however specific and complete, would fall on deaf ears because our listeners can’t relate to the construction and workings of a car.

Suppose, though, that the communicator knew a little about cooking and switched the metaphor to include terms that relate to cooking a meal. In that case, people like me, who love to cook, would catch on quickly, even if the explanation was incomplete or the teller left something out. We could fill in the blanks easily enough, and the intention of the person telling the story would be understandable.

It’s true for anyone in a relationship. And there’s more. Sometimes we forget our role in a situation. For example, in our efforts to clearly disseminate information, we might appear arrogant, pushy, or even critical. It’s as though we’re trying so hard to communicate well that we become overbearing in the process. It can make the other person feel small and unimportant, even when we have the best intentions.

I saw the following quote from Joyce Meyer that conveys the importance of positive communication:

Photo by Nick Fewings. No copyright infringement intended.

I like how succinctly she states the importance of communicating well by calling out the value of encouragement. It’s all about painting word pictures that edify, affirm, and inspire positive responses. This way, relationships can grow and flourish rather than one or the other feeling diminished or insignificant.

Not surprisingly, I frequently encounter couples who are on the same page with one another in most ways but find themselves at odds over inconsequential things. What happens is that there’s a disagreement about something trivial or that doesn’t warrant an argument, but one partner feels the other isn’t considering the first partner’s point of view. Rather than encouraging the teller to continue explaining, the second partner criticizes the subject matter, critiques how the information is disseminated, or launches a personal assault that culminates in hurt feelings and misunderstanding. It becomes a downward spiral from there.

Romans 12:10 reassures us this way:

“Be devoted to one another with [authentic] brotherly affection [as members of one family], give preference to one another in honor.” (AMP)

“Be devoted to each other like a loving family. Excel in showing respect for each other.” (GW)

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (NIV)

Becoming an encourager really doesn’t take much effort when considering the value of the person we’re communicating with. It’s even easier when it’s someone we care about and hold in esteem. If we’re not encouragers by nature, think of how we receive information well. It’s usually when the other person takes time to explain, engage, and help us understand. That can be the best kind of encouragement!

Try practicing being an encourager this week. Notice how communication and understanding become easier. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the outcome!

Be Well & Be Blessed!

Lucinda