“Every great and deep difficulty bears in itself its own solution. It forces us to change our thinking in order to find it.” Niels Bohr
Happy Monday!
I was thinking about mediation over the last few days. Maybe it’s a feature of my career choice (lol 😊) – or perhaps my thoughts were generated by a painful conversation I recently witnessed. Probably, the latter, to be frank. I overheard a dialog that made me bite my tongue to stay out of it. It was classic. The conversation went something like this:
Person #1: “You did this, and you did that, and it’s not my fault that you…”
Person #2: “Well, you did that, and you did this and then that, and it’s not my fault that you…, which ruined everything!”
Person #1: “You’re not listening to me! You’re so wrong and never admit…”
Person #2: “What about you?!!! You always think you’re right, and you never are, and besides…”
I think you’re beginning to get the picture – accuse, deflect, defend. These are responses that plague many conversations that turn into hurtful arguments. I desperately wanted to educate on the rules of engagement and point out that putting someone in a defensive mode guarantees they won’t listen to what you have to say. They’re too busy thinking about their next point of rebuttal to consider what’s being said. I wanted to broker the conversation and mediate the accusations so desperately that I had to leave the room. It’s generally not in good form to insert yourself into strangers’ conversations.
Often, the crux of the conversation gets lost in the details. The bottom line is this: if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Nothing changes. Nothing can change because the process is being constricted by limited thinking and defense.
This example is the reason for mediation, which is an opportunity to look at difficulties with solutions in mind because we’re open to another point of view, or at the very least, the consideration that there might be an alternative resolution we haven’t yet explored. Mediation offers the benefit of a neutral third party who can help keep the conversation on track and step in to assuage and/or offer interpretation when needed. And that interruption can set the canvas for alternative thought processes and problem-solving.
Niels Bohr was a Danish physicist who won the Nobel Prize for Physics in 1922. Bohr’s work centered on the atomic structure and quantum theory. Here are some of Bohr’s thoughts on mediation:
We only change our thinking easily if we’re in the habit of being open-minded and looking at life through various lenses of insight. However, when we change how we approach a situation or attempt to inform our perceptions, we frequently find the solutions we’re looking for within the scope of the challenge.
Here’s a passage from Proverbs 16:
“The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, and adds learning to his lips.
Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” v. 23-24 (NKJV)
And, yes, sometimes those solutions come from our hearts. This happens when we refrain from defense and address our circumstances, particularly with other humans, from a place of compassionate reconciliation rather than a place of stubbornness. It’s here that we can hold tension for possibility rather than unattainability. A place where conversation can be proactive rather than frustrating and solutions emerge.
Let’s consider the value of enlisting a mediator this week. There may be a difficult situation that would benefit from an outsider’s view. Perhaps a third party who can remain unbiased can assist in alleviating tension. Hopefully, those who try this approach will be pleasantly surprised!
Be Well & Be Blessed!
Lucinda
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