Family

“Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs, the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what.” Author Unknown

Happy Monday!

I hope you’re well and managing to find your work/life rhythm! I read an article the other day that indicated we really never find a balance between the two. The article suggested that it’s more of a never-ending dance with a malleable rhythm. I liked the imagery, so I’ve adopted the phrase!

Last week, my oldest daughter had a landmark birthday. It was a time of reflection for both of us and a joyful celebration for friends and a few family members who are local to us. I cooked for two days (as many Italian moms do), ate too much (same), had some wine (again, Italian, what can I say), and laughed A LOT! We had so much fun. Over the next several days, as we recalled moments of our time together, I got to thinking about what constitutes family in this current world of isolation and individualism.

When I was growing up, we had an open-door policy. My Pop was very gregarious, and I really loved entertaining and having people around. We never knew if there would be 20 or 50 people, so we cooked for 50, just in case. Even if we cooked less and more people showed up, there was somehow always enough. As I got older, I became the chef to his directorship. It was a fun dance, Pop thinking of things I forgot and me anticipating his desires. We made a pretty good team.

Over the years, I brought home all my displaced friends. Most were from out-of-state with no family to share holidays and special events, so they came to our home. After a while, even when I wasn’t there, my friends would show up, knowing they were always welcome. They became more than friends.

They were, and many still are, family in the truest sense of the word. We literally experience life together. We were there for all the celebrations, engagements, weddings, births of children, etc. And, when the time came, we were there for each other through illness, retirement, and loss.

We hold each other accountable, but we also lift each other up and look past the barriers that blood sometimes creates. Unfortunately, animosity can fester in biological families from entitlement, judgment, and the lack of effective communication. Sometimes, a family just can’t get past their past, and friends who become family are able to see things from a different perspective.

Here’s something I found to help underscore the point:

Don’t get me wrong. I think my biological family is fantastic, and I love mine dearly. I’m happy to celebrate with anyone whose family remains close and connected in ways that demonstrate genuine love and acceptance. Some, however, haven’t experienced the same blessings. It’s to these that I offer the perspective that family is often a matter of choice, not necessarily biology.

Here are some others’ thoughts on family:

“Families don’t have to match. You don’t have to look like someone else to love them.” Leigh Anne Tuohy

“That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you’re not so loveable.” Deb Caletti

“Having a place to go is a home. Having someone to love is a family. Having both is a blessing.” Donna Hedges

“Family is not about blood. It’s about who’s willing to hold your hand when you need it the most.” Author Unknown

“You must remember, family is often born of blood, but it doesn’t depend on blood. Nor is it exclusive of friendship. Family members can be your best friends, you know. And best friends, whether or not they are related to you, can be your family.” Trenton Lee Stewart.

So, who’s in your family tree? I mean, besides the usual suspects. Do you have a few close friends that qualify? Are there a couple of characters that have warmed their way into your heart and have now set up permanent residences as extended family members? And when was the last time you hugged them and told them how dear they are and how grateful you are to have them as a part of your family?

Consider taking time this week to reach out to those who have become more than friends and have crossed the road onto the family grounds. You might also consider reaching out to some family members who might need a nudge, as well. You never know what might get them back into the fold!

Be Well & Be Blessed!
Lucinda