“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Buddha
Happy Monday!
What a glorious weekend here in SoCA! Sunshine, blue skies, moderate temperature ~ I’m feeling blessed to have the opportunity to appreciate the beauty of our geographic location. Some of you are heading into winter and rainy seasons, and I hope you enjoy the changes. I know some of us are upset by extreme changes in weather and other areas of our lives. The key is to remember that it will pass, and there’s no real reason to get angry or lose it over things we can’t control.
For some of us, anger is one emotion that comes on quickly. We feel slighted or overlooked, or our judgments hasten negative responses. Ralph Waldo Emerson once commented on anger, noting:
“For every minute you remain angry, you give up 60 seconds of peace.”
Another quote I think of when contemplating anger is from Marcus Aurelius:
“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.”
Anger is not necessarily a bad thing, though. It can be an excellent motivator for change. It can be a warning of imbalance. And it can be an effective means of communication when combined with compassion and intentionality. The important thing is to realize why we’re angry, identify the hurt or fear behind the emotion, and then choose what we plan to accomplish.
The flip side, however, is damaging and rarely ends well when unharnessed. The worst part is that anger, when left to its own devices, can cause more damage to the holder than to the intended target. Unfortunately, sometimes we grasp anger so tightly that we are the ones who get damaged. I suppose that’s a good thing, when it helps us to learn to exert more control and make better choices for ourselves and others, but the direct aftermath may leave us confused and more upset than when we began to feel the rage.
These thoughts from the Buddha spoke to me. I’m generally slow to anger, but there are days when a relatively inconsequential event can put me into a twist. It often causes my feelings to be hurt and usually comes from someone close to me. Once I calm down, I feel foolish for allowing my emotions to get away from me and wish I had responded more intentionally to anger.
But, frankly, sometimes I can’t help it when I see injustice or perceive wrongdoing. I don’t like to see innocents mistreated or hurt by others’ incapacity for kindness and fundamental human rights. I understand the frustration, believe me, and I can get lost in thoughts about myself, just like everyone. But, particularly in this atmosphere of diversity and inclusion, I have trouble accepting the judgment of one person or people group over another. It seems so futile and counterintuitive.
Scripture gives us guidelines for anger:
“When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down.” Ephesians 4:26 (AMPC)
“Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” Ecclesiastes 7:9 (NIV)
“Think long; think hard. When you are angry, don’t let it carry you into sin. When night comes, in calm be silent.” Psalm 4:4 (VOICE)
When we struggle with anger or help others process the same, there’s value in keeping our hearts and minds open. Rather than take our cues from the emotional trigger, take a few minutes to breathe, consider the source, review options, then strategize on the best ways to respond. Imagine how many challenging situations we could mitigate by taking time to process rather than react. So let’s leave those hot coals in the barbeque where they belong!
Make it an excellent and peace-filled week!
Be Well & Be Blessed!
Lucinda
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