Masks

“The ego is not who you really are. The ego is your self-image. It is your social mask. It is the role you are playing. Your social mask thrives on approval. It wants control, and it is sustained by power, because it lives in fear.” Deepak Chopra

Happy Monday!

I hope you had a lovely and relaxing weekend! There appears to be a significant number of allergens in the air lately, and I know some of you are experiencing difficulty breathing. There are some aggressive viruses, too, so please take care of your health.

Recently, I’ve noticed an increase in issues related to what’s considered fair. I’m not talking about the things children bring up, like when one sibling feels the other is getting more of something than they are. (Although, I have to admit, some of the adult arguments I hear aren’t much different.) I’m thinking more about people who find ways to hold power over others. My concerns are about incidents that occur in business settings or friendships, where seemingly simple issues can escalate into emotional challenges.

One example is when an employer finds reasons to belittle an employee by discounting their contribution or threatening to impose inappropriate consequences for an assumed or unsubstantiated offense based on supposition. Another example is when friends make assumptions about another friend, contending that there has been an act of neglect or impropriety, and then hold that friend accountable for something they had no part in.

In both cases, what really frequently occurs, in addition to misunderstanding, is a matter of ego. Our egos can lead us into all kinds of trouble if we’re not conscious of our choices. It’s our egos that are at play when we feel unjustly taken advantage of or accused without cause.

We’ve all been in situations where someone is angry and lashes out against us for no legitimate reason. It’s a terrible feeling! What’s most likely going on is that the person slinging the offense has some fractured sense of self. They’re insecure and are upset because we’re doing well and moving forward in our jobs, lives, friendships, and interests. They feel threatened and want us to feel bad about ourselves so they can feel better about themselves.

It’s a power trip for which no positive ending is possible unless an open and transparent conversation is had. And I don’t mean over text or voice notes! These are conversations that are best had person-to-person in real time. So much is lost in indirect communication! Here’s an interesting quote that about sums it up:

Sound familiar? If you tell me no, I’m sorry, I won’t believe you. Each of us has experienced the receiving end of this power dynamic, and many of us have been in a position to perpetrate the offense. Either way, the consequences are dire, and we’d do really well to address the masks that hold us hostage.

The following passages in Scripture lend credence to the negative results of ego:

“I will break your pride in your power, and I will make your sky like iron [giving no rain and blocking all prayers] and your ground like bronze [hard to plow and yielding no produce].” Leviticus 26:19 (AMP)

“Pride causes arguments, but those who listen to others are wise.” Proverbs 13:10 (ERV)

“Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn’t think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you’d be asking for what you have no right to. You’re spoiled children, each wanting your own way.” James 4:1 (MSG)

There’s good news, though; we don’t have to be held hostage by the masks we or other people wear. We can take a deep breath, set aside pride and offense, remove the masks of insecurity, and communicate authentically and transparently. We can have a mediator present, if necessary, and resolve the issue to the best of our ability.

Communication doesn’t need to be contentious or unkind; it simply requires clear and honest interaction. However, we need to be prepared to hear unsavory truths about ourselves and be willing to try to address and correct our faults, particularly if we’re the cause of the challenge. Additionally, we must be willing to forgive when we’re the recipients of mistreatment. There’s always give and take in these situations, and relationships can often be strengthened when approached with a spirit of camaraderie.

This week, take a moment to reflect on your interactions with others. Notice if your ego is causing friction with another person. Determine whether you need to continue wearing the mask that prevents transparent communication. My hope is that, as the masks are removed, an authentic relationship will be established or restored.

Be Well & Be Blessed!

Lucinda