I have a dear friend who I’ve known since high school. We’re now in our late 60’s and interestingly enough, she’s on one side of the political aisle and I’m on the other. We agreed to not talk about politics, but lately, she’s insisting I listen to her views. I think she’s trying to pull me to her side of the aisle and frankly, I’m not interested. We both attend the same church together and we agree on our religious views. Is there a way I can ask her to stop this without ruining our friendship? I have to say that I really get upset when she starts in on attempting to bring her political views into our conversations. I have reminded her we had agreed to not discuss politics and it seems she doesn’t understand what I’m trying to convey. She has her full wits about her, so I don’t think it’s that she’s forgetful – just overbearing. I’m at a loss of what to do. I like the phrase, “What would Jesus do?” and appreciate any advice you have for me.

~ Best Friend

Dear Best Friend ~

What a blessing to have a long-term friend to reminisce with and with whom you can confide. I’m delighted that your faith views are consistent, which gives you a basis to plead your case. As wonderful as it is to hear that you’ve been able to navigate your differences thus far in this heated political climate, I’m not surprised that your aisles are widening. In theory, agreeing to disagree sounds pretty basic. In practice, it can be an entirely different matter.

There are a few things for you to consider. As you’ve done in the past, and consistent with the words of Scripture, the first step is to go to your friend directly and let her know how you feel about breaking your agreement regarding conversations about political agendas. Confrontation doesn’t have to be messy. Choose your words wisely and speak from the compassion in your heart. Remind your friend that you respect her right to her feelings and opinions, but that doesn’t mean you necessarily agree. You’re on opposing sides of the aisle, as you say, not a new situation, and you’d like to remain respectful of each other’s views without having to agree. Thus, back to the former state of ‘agree to disagree’ to preserve the friendship you both cherish.

Hopefully, that will be enough to assuage the current challenge. If not, you might consider appealing to your friend’s wisdom. James 1:5 instructs,

“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” (NIV)

Wisdom might come in the way of praying about the subject individually or together. I think it would be an excellent opportunity for you to pray together, allowing Holy Spirit to surround you both in a time of wisdom seeking. Proverbs 2:2 underscores that space with the words,

“Turn your ear toward wisdom, and stretch your mind toward understanding.” (CEB)

These suggestions are effective ways to maintain and perhaps enhance the friendship while still allowing for differing worldviews. However, suppose these strategies fail to solve the dilemma. In that case, you may need to have a frank and transparent conversation about the impact of breaking your original commitment and how you’re feeling as a result. Then, follow up with sharing the lovely aspects of your friendship as a way of encouraging peaceful resolution. The hope is that she’ll hear you and feel the same about preserving your long-standing bond.

I pray you’ll be surrounded by heavenly wisdom and discernment as you share your heart with your friend. I also pray you’re able to hold space for her to process her feelings about your sharing. Ultimately, I pray His grace and mercy will strengthen your friendship as you seek to perpetuate a lasting relationship. Lean into your faith and anticipate a positive outcome.

Be Well & Be Blessed!
Lucinda