From the time our children were very young, we taught them to be kind to everyone and everything, including people, animals and plant life. They also learn this at the Children’s Church they attend. Our son, Will, who is in Kindergarten, came home very upset because some of his classmates were being unkind toward another classmate. He told them that we’re supposed to be kind to everyone and one of the kids slapped him. At this point, the teacher intervened and told all of them that they must be kind to one another. The kid who slapped Will was taken aside and was told never, ever to hit anyone again. Our concern is our son is dismayed at this behavior. We know as he grows older, he will experience inconsiderate people. We’d like suggestions to help Will remain strong and not allow these negative behaviors to affect him. We also have told him it’s wrong to retaliate. We’re grateful for your help.

~ Devoted Parents

Dear Devoted Parents~

My heart is grieved by the behavior of some young people these days. Some are not learning decent and respectful norms of society, while others suffer disruption from the past few years of instability. The circumstances, in both instances, cause us to reflect on the state of our world. Yet, on the other hand, I’m grateful for those who deem it necessary to raise their children with integrity and virtues, despite others’ habits. Scripture encourages us to:

“Train a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not turn away from it.” Proverbs 22:6 (GW).

And that verse sounds precisely like what you’re gifting to your son. Kudos to you both!

We’ve just experienced Holy Week, The Passion, and the Resurrection, and we’re now nearing Pentecost. This season would be a rich time to discuss the path that Jesus elected to take, modeling strength amid adversity. You and your church team might walk through what sacrifices look like and why we choose to pray for instead of curse people who have wronged us.

You might remind Will that even though Jesus didn’t do anything wrong, others made fun of Him, ridiculed and were mean to Him, and all the while, He remained steadfast in His convictions and promises to His Father and us. Since your son is only five years old, keep the discussion age-appropriate and straightforward. Children are exceptional at grasping the essence of what we say to them when we don’t complicate the information.

From a practical point of view, you may consider meeting with your son’s teacher with Will in attendance. Perhaps have a brief discussion about what happened and make some agreements between the four of you that will give Will some options should a similar situation arise. This way, he will feel loved and protected and be empowered to make some positive choices for himself.

Open a line of communication that assists him in knowing that he can come to you with any question, and you’ll take the time to help him understand. Sometimes that answer will be elusive, and you can research some possibilities together. This practice will be the foundation for more complex questions as he gets older.

“Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4 (AMPC)

I remember a story about a young child who asked his father about sex. The father awkwardly launched into a conversation about the birds and the bees. Then, after some time, he paused and asked his child if he understood. The child nodded but quizzically asked, Dad, am I male or female? What sex am I?

The story is an example of too much information. Remember, age-appropriate is the key. First, discern the true nature of the question and then answer in ways that speak directly to the issue at hand. Children are satisfied with direct answers, for the most part, and will return with additional questions if there’s a need.

As you pray for guidance and direction, The Lord will provide ways for you to address this and other complicated matters of faith with your son. I’m warmed by the intentionality of your question and beseech Holy Spirit to come alongside you with wisdom and discernment. Jesus shared the importance of our children’s questions with us in Matthew 19:14:

“Then some little children were brought to him, so that he could put his hands on them and pray for them. The disciples frowned on the parents’ action but Jesus said, “You must let little children come to me, and you must never stop them. The kingdom of Heaven belongs to little children like these!” Then he laid his hands on them and went on his way. (DARBY).

Be Well & Be Blessed!
Lucinda