After three years of marriage, we pulled out all of the stops and decided to have a baby. Last February, before much was known about COVID19, we found out our little girl will be welcomed into the world October 10th. Now, we’re being criticized by several friends for bringing a child into the world in these tumultuous times. These same friends(?) who we no longer consider our friends claimed we’re narcissistic, which couldn’t be further from the truth. We’re excited to be first-time parents and still have these criticisms hanging over our heads. Our biological families support us, Thank God! What we’d like to know is how to answer negative comments if/when they happen again. – Happily Expecting

Dear Happily Expecting ~

Congratulations! What a glorious blessing for your family! Your daughter will be arriving soon, and it sounds like your family will love and cherish her. There’s nothing quite like bringing a child into your home and hearts at any time, but particularly your first daughter. My Italian Papa used to say, “A son is a son ‘til he takes a wife. A daughter’s a daughter for the rest of your life!”

Sadly, it sounds like not everyone shares your joy. Yes, we live in a world with many and varied maladies. Some are based on ego, while others result from years of neglect. Still others are rooted in processes for which we have yet to find adequate solutions. These are tumultuous times indeed!

When we face uncertain times, many find it necessary to judge and critique the lives of others. It’s a sad reality of our humanness when we attempt to minimize our discomfort by marginalizing others. The situation is further exacerbated when those we consider to be like-minded surprise us with a lack of support and even resort to name-calling.

I appreciate these versions of Scripture regarding judgment:

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and fail to notice the plank in your own? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me get the speck out of your eye’, when there is a plank in your own? You fraud! Take the plank out of your own eye first, and then you can see clearly enough to remove your brother’s speck of dust.” Matthew 7:3 (Phillips)

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (NIV) Luke 6:37

“So don’t get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all the evidence is in. When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of—inner motives and purposes and prayers. Only then will any one of us get to hear the “Well done!” of God. (MSG) 1 Corinthians 4:5

The question is if we wait until every aspect of our lives and the state of the world to align positively, would we ever really feel comfortable procreating. History is rife with times of tremendous hardship, and yet our spirits yearn to surround ourselves with a family who will walk with us, providing strength and comfort when our lives seem unmanageable. We crave the freshness and promise of new life.

Having children is an intensely personal choice. The reality is that you don’t need to justify your decision to have a baby – now or ever. Perhaps you can find a way to gently remind your friends that you didn’t enter into this season of your life lightly and that you’d be delighted if they would honor your choices. Should they determine not to support you, perhaps, at the very least, they’ll appreciate the agency you have over your life and choose to leave you to raise your new family.

Some final encouragement from Scripture:

“If you’re not welcomed, not listened to, quietly withdraw. Don’t make a scene. Shrug your shoulders and be on your way.” Mark 6:11 (MSG)

“Let everything you do be done in love [motivated and inspired by God’s love for us].” 1 Corinthians 16:14 (AMP)

Be Well & Be Blessed!
Lucinda