Question: Our son, Jeff, has been musically inclined since he was very young. He had piano lessons from the time he was five and played a French horn in high school band. He and some friends also have their own band and they play for friends’ events. Now, he’s going off to college and wants to major in music. That’s fine with me, but not his father who thinks there isn’t sufficient income for musicians. Jeff is also a whiz at computers. His father thinks he should study computer science where a variety of professional choices are available. This is stressful for Jeff because he adores his father. I think Jeff should make up his own mind without any pressure. What do you think? ~ Mom in a Quandary

Dear Mom in a Quandary ~

How fortunate for your son to be gifted in multiple and unique ways! The choices you’ve listed are both viable, depending on your son’s ability to push beyond perceived limits. I have a friend who majored in music and is now an award-winning professional in composition and post-production specialties. He has both aptitudes, creating many complicated and beautiful works of musical art and mixing tracks for the most excellent sound. What we make of our lives and careers depends on numerous elements. Still, the most important is a commitment to the process and the ability to accept the rigors and disciplines of hard work.

As parents, we feel responsible for equipping our children with the best possible options to increase their earning potential and provide adequately for themselves. We want them to not only succeed but to do so in a way that surpasses our own accomplishments. My guess is that this is your husband’s heart, and it’s honorable and loving.

However, your desire to create space for your son to make his own decisions is also valid and honorable. Unfortunately, sometimes, when children take their parents’ good and sensible advice, the foundation of resentment can begin. As I would guess you and your husband do, I know many people who have been working jobs that leave them unfulfilled and dissatisfied. This dilemma frequently occurs when well-meaning advice is taken from parents to appease them. Parents do not desire their offspring to have a mediocre life, but living someone else’s dream doesn’t generally provide satisfaction.

I wonder what it would look like for you to brainstorm with your son, as a family, and look at options that might encompass these two particular gifts in a complimentary way. Perhaps he could major in music and minor in computer science. It might take a bit longer to accomplish his goals, but he would retain his right to choose, as well as utilize his skills, talents, and gifts in dynamic ways. A positive consequence of this type of discussion is appropriate differentiation and empowerment for a healthy maturing process.

Scripture invites us to remember that we each have been given gifts and talents to be utilized for the glory of God. I’m reminded of several:

“For God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable. [He never withdraws them when once they are given, and He does not change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call.].” Romans 11:29 (AMPC)

“First, God chose some people to be apostles and prophets and teachers for the church. But he also chose some to work miracles or heal the sick or help others or be leaders or speak different kinds of languages.” 1 Corinthians 12:28 (CEV)

“Naturally, there are different gifts and functions; individually, grace is given to us in different ways out of the rich diversity of Christ’s giving.” Ephesians 4:7a (Phillips)

One might argue that music and computer sciences are both talents and gifts of other languages. The focus of these passages is to underscore the importance of accepting and utilizing the gifts and talents given to us. We are each created for a purpose. It’s our job to employ our various skills and talents in ways that serve, honor, and express gratitude to God, as well as ourselves and others.

Blessings to you both as you seek to launch your son into the next season of his life with unconditional love and regard, encouraging him to share his gifts in whatever manner brings him joy, as well as stability. He will also bring honor to you, his parents, in accomplishing these goals.

Be Well & Be Blessed!
Lucinda