I’m 19 and in my second year of college. My parents never took me and my sister to church, although both were raised Christian. After searching, I finally found a church whose teachings are helpful to me and I eventually plan to join that church. My parents are against me joining the church and tell me things like I have to tithe, help out at the church, etc. None of their reasons concern me. I’m happy to tithe once I’m out of college and have a job. I love my parents. They have provided a nice home and support for my sister and me, but I don’t feel I owe it to them to give up a spiritual home I’ve finally found. Is there a caring, loving way I can ask them to please stop the nagging?

– New Believer

Dear New Believer ~

I’m happy to learn you found a place where you feel comfortable and have the spiritual support you desire. Attending to your spiritual needs is a beautiful way to promote overall wellbeing and live in balance and positivity. Sadly, not everyone shares that sentiment and may even mistrust faith-based organizations.

Your parents may believe as Christians, but take exception to affiliations with groups, churches, and organizations due to past hurts of their own. Some believe our freedoms are compromised when the ‘church’ asks for tithe and help. Scripture is very clear about the meaning and execution of both as something we do because of our love for God. Malachi 3:10 shows us the blessings from tithe:

“Bring all the tithes (the tenth) into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this,” says the Lord of hosts, “if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you [so great] a blessing until there is no more room to receive it.” (AMP)

It sounds like you love and honor your parents and appreciate the way they’ve supported you throughout your lifetime. As an adult, you have the responsibility to make your own choices and feel empowered in the process. Sometimes it’s tough for parents to accept the fact that they did a great job raising healthy, sensitive, and discerning children. Letting go seems to be counterintuitive to their efforts in the protecting role that they’ve come to appreciate as their own. Change can be challenging. Change that involves releasing our children to make their own decisions can be terrifying, particularly in this volatile time in our nation’s history.

My thoughts draw me to communication. You might consider having an honest and transparent conversation with them thanking them for all they’ve done for you, and for loving and supporting you throughout your lifetime. These statements may be followed by sharing your desire for a more fulfilling spiritual life and the great blessing you have in finding a church family where you can grow and experience God’s love in a safe and nurturing environment.  

Maybe you would then consider assuring them that you’re still the same wonderful person they raised as you continue developing a rich and robust character based on the values they instilled in you. Words shared honestly in love and acceptance have power, and the potential to promote understanding.

“But instead we will remain strong and always sincere in our love as we express the truth. All our direction and ministries will flow from Christ and lead us deeper into him, the anointed Head of his body, the church.” Ephesians 4:15 (TPT)

You may want to reassure them that you haven’t made the decision lightly and that you’d appreciate it if they would trust your ability to make appropriate choices in your life based on the values with which they raised you.

You’ve got this!

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)

Be Well & Be Blessed!
Lucinda