We have 9-year-old twin boys who have been closed to their “PaPa” (grandfather) since they were born. PaPa was very active in their lives, teaching them how to garden, fish and many other practical skills like cooking when they were camping. He often took them on fishing trips. We attended church together every Sunday. He passed away six weeks ago from COVID. They are devastated and so are we. They’re concerned because PaPa cussed and drank beer. They’re worried that he didn’t go to Heaven, even though we’ve told them he did. We also told them God is a forgiving God and that PaPa is now safe with Him. The boys don’t seem to believe what we’ve told them. Is there something else we can tell them to ease their minds?

– Stumped Mom & Dad

Dear Stumped Mom & Dad ~

I’m sorry to learn of your loss! It sounds like PaPa was a marvelous example of grandparenthood and blessed your boys greatly. The pandemic has robbed us of so many cherished loved-ones, and it’s a tall order for adults to wrap their minds around loss, let alone children.

Death, itself, is a difficult concept to teach to youngsters, and the additional concern about PaPa’s whereabouts is not an uncommon dilemma for parents to attempt to explain. The consensus is to follow a few suggestions for speaking with your children about death. Most importantly, use simple words and be direct. Take time to listen to their reactions or questions and be ready to provide comfort and reassurance. Address the emotions behind your words, utilizing feelings like sad, angry, worried, or confused to mirror their reactions. Also, normalize the experience by letting them know that you feel similarly sometimes.  

Concerning the spiritual questions about heaven, share with them Scriptures like John 14:1-3:

“Do not let your heart be troubled (afraid, cowardly). Believe [confidently] in God and trust in Him, [have faith, hold on to it, rely on it, keep going and] believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many dwelling places. If it were not so, I would have told you, because I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and I will take you to Myself, so that where I am you may be also.” (AMP)

This is an excellent passage to reassure them that the most important thing is to trust and have faith that, because PaPa believed in God, God will be faithful to PaPa and has already reserved a place for him in God’s heavenly home. God wants the people he loves to be close to him, even if they were unsuccessful in some areas of their lives. God isn’t a punishing God, but a loving and forgiving God. (That being said, it’s still best for them to try their hardest to do good, as PaPa also tried to do.)

Another passage is John 11:25-26:

“Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.” (NIV)

This verse underscores the previous verses by reassuring the children that we will be forgiven of all our mistakes when we believe in Jesus and will live with Him in heaven for eternity. Remind them that PaPa believed in Jesus, as evidenced by the fact that he regularly went to church with them and tried his best to be a good man. Perhaps add that PaPa loved them so much, he wouldn’t want them to worry about him, but to remember all the things he taught them and remain faithful in honoring Jesus. Jesus came to show us that life as believers doesn’t end with death, but that in death, we have the freedom and privilege to live with Him after we die, and that’s where PaPa is right now, with Him.

It may take some time for all of this to make sense to your sons. You may need to do a lot of reassuring. Be patient with them and continue expressing how God greatly loves PaPa and them, and neither of them would want the boys they love so much to worry.

Be Well & Be Blessed!
Lucinda