Our grandson began taking drugs when he was fifteen. We didn’t find out right away, but when we did, his psychiatrist told us he was “self-medicating” to deal with the loss of his dad, who died in a car accident. Fortunately, we had the financial means to send him to rehab, and he went willingly. He finished high school, was taking college classes, had a part-time job, and then got into drugs again. We found out this time because he over-dosed and almost died. He’s asking to go back into rehab and promises he’ll stay clean. We would like some advice.  – Undecided Grandparents

Dear Undecided Grandparents ~

What a fortunate grandson to have such loving and involved grandparents. I’m sure his loss affected you, as well, and I’m hopeful that you’ve been able to address your own feelings of sorrow. Grief can be very complicated, and healing can take time when creating a ‘new normal’ as we attempt to address the various emotions that arise.

Self-medicating is, sadly, not an unusual response to the challenges of life. We have many opportunities to choose our responses during a season of grief, which is an area that offers both positive and not so effective choices. Your grandson did not have the mental or emotional capacity to traverse the options when he was fifteen. He is, most likely, still struggling with the loss and possibly depression, as appears to be the case with the information you’ve provided.

You may consider this outreach from him the response to a life-threatening situation in which he finds himself. Most importantly, you might look at his commitment and what he’s willing to do to attain and maintain his sobriety moving forward. A good rehab facility will have resources for him to reorient to the present, make available the opportunity to explore how the past has informed his current situation, provide individual and group counseling, and offer family counseling to work through those interpersonal family dynamics.

If faith is a consideration and he’s willing to look within from a spiritual perspective, you might look at support from that arena in addition to the practical, evidenced-based efforts. We know that most holy books talk about the power of prayer and enlisting our faith to overcome adversity. I ascribe to the notion that the intersection of science and faith is where miracles happen. With a working knowledge of how our minds work, combining appropriate guidance from counseling professionals, and in conjunction with the strength of faith, healing and recovery occur in miraculous ways.

The fact that your grandson has approached you about rehab is a good sign that he’s ready to do the hard work of looking within instead of outside to mitigate the effects of the pain he feels. Your part will be to establish proper boundaries and implement tough love, rather than enabling him, encouraging him to do the hard work of owning his choices and his truth. I can recommend the books Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend and Tough Love by York, York, and Wachtel as good resources from which to begin your support. With rehabilitation, strength and commitment, and humility in prayer, your family will be in position for the miracles you seek.

Blessings to you as you navigate this current challenge!

Lucinda