There are three of us couples who get together about once a month or six weeks. All three husbands who are engineers work together. We wives have repeatedly asked the guys to not talk shop because we don’t get to see each other that often. Our asking hasn’t helped. After the last dinner we hosted, and dessert was served, the guys once again began talking about work challenges. One woman got up from the table, went into the living room and began thumbing through a magazine. That didn’t stop the conversation among the guys. We wives enjoy getting together if the conversation didn’t fall by the wayside and lapse into conversations we don’t understand. We’re even thinking of having our own dinners. Is there a “once and for all” something we can say for them to be inclusive in their conversations? We Three Wives

Dear We Three Wives ~

As I see it, there’s good news and bad news in this scenario. The good news is that your group has cohesion and the ability to enjoy each other’s company. The really good news is that you Three Wives enjoy spending time together, which creates a wonderful dynamic when the six of you meet. The bad news is that sometimes work issues supersede pleasurable repartee when there is a shared interest, work experience, or goal among several, but not all, of the guests. If your husbands have significant work challenges or concerns or share successes, you may have some trouble redirecting their conversation to be more inclusive.

Scripture illuminates the power of a faithful wife:

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”

Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV)

“Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” Proverbs 19:14 (NKJV)

“Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.”

Proverbs 31:10 (NKJV)

Scripture further indicates the responsibilities of an attentive husband:

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV)

Scripture also summarizes the couple’s covenant agreement:

“Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.”

1 Corinthians 7:3 (NKJV)

One option would be to gain agreement, separately between each couple, before the gatherings, that work banter would be off-limits. These efforts could be followed by a collective agreement in which the group determines to expand the conversation base to include more generalized interests. Perhaps there could be a theme or agreed upon discussion topic that is determined prior to the event so preparation could be made. It might, however, be prudent to steer clear of issues that might cause discord. The themes could range from favorite travel spots or hobbies to fun stories about how you met your respective spouse or business associate.

­Another idea would be to plan gatherings in places that have distinct and different elements that become a part of the dining experience. The thought of a new cuisine concept, like Ethiopian or Brazilian food, or creative venues, such as a live performance that would change the group experience or dynamic comes to mind.

If none of these suggestions are appealing, you may need to plan for the ‘shop talk’ and simply enjoy your time together as We Three Wives. Maybe you share the meal as a group, and then the three of you retire to another room for a game or chat, exclusive of the menfolk. Whereas that’s not the real goal, your efforts may preserve your time together. And, who knows, the men may be so curious about where you ladies disappear to that they follow you to find out!

I hope you’re able to find something in here that speaks to you and that you discover an amicable resolution.

Be Well & Be Blessed!
Lucinda