Our youngest son just enlisted in the Army. He is going in as a commissioned officer because of his graduate degrees. We’ve never interfered with our children’s decisions, but this one shook us to the core. Each day, it seems, our soldiers are losing their lives all over the world. We’ve always been a church-going family and our children were raised to believe in prayer. Our son tells us to pray for his protection and he’ll be just fine. Of course we will but looming in the backs of our minds is the “what if.” Is there anything we can do besides pray that will help us to be peaceful about this? -Worried Parents

Dear Worried Parents ~

Watching a child make choices that we don’t necessarily support is one of the most difficult of parenting skills. Scripture is replete with verses that encourage us, however, such as Philippians 4:6-7:

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

In this climate of uncertainty, our concern is increased making it difficult to live by these words of direction and encouragement. Our hearts hurt with the mere thought of harm coming to our precious ones, and we look for ways to mitigate the pain we feel. All that while trying to honor our children’s sense of agency. Indeed a dilemma that’s metaphoric for the human condition.

Prayer is the best and most important gift we can give our children and ourselves. Also, we can begin to address our fears and take steps to deal with our anxiety, remaining peaceful in a place of acceptance. Capturing the “what if” thoughts and redirecting them to hopeful ideation is a great way to begin to minimize our anxiety. Scripture encourages us in 2 Corinthians 10:3-6:

“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.”

That capturing may take to form of adopting a mindful practice, which could be deep breathing exercises to calm our frayed nerves, a new hobby, such as cooking or some form of art, or meditating on Scripture passages that promote peace. My personal favorite is Philippians 4:8-9:

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.”

There are many cognitive behavioral options, as well. The choices range from normalizing anxious thoughts to de-catastrophizing our fears to developing alternative perspectives. All of which are useful, logistical measures should anxiety become overwhelming. I would be happy to assist you, should you wish to delve into these options to a greater extent.

In the meantime, know that you are not alone in your concern! Reach out to friends and family who can lend a listening ear and come alongside you in prayer. Sometimes just a cup of tea with a sensitive friend can do wonders for our state of mind!

I’ll be lifting you in hopeful prayer.

Blessings!
Lucinda