Reconciliation

“It is not “forgive and forget” as if nothing wrong had ever happened, but “forgive and go forward,” building on the mistakes of the past and the energy generated by reconciliation to create a new future.” Alan Paton

Happy Monday!

I hope you had a relaxing weekend! Making time for friends and family can be a great way to unwind from the week. Add some time outdoors and friendly conversation, and you have the makings of excellent self-care and recharging for the week ahead.

I’ve been reading a book written about the mother of a dear friend and have discovered much about how generational influence affects us without our consent. The content in this book has revealed much about how character traits of our predecessors find their way into our thoughts and actions, even some of the peculiarities that make us uniquely who we are. I’ve had some surprising ah-ha moments as I realized certain behaviors and thought patterns visited on my friend by her mom, which took me aback.

Not only did I recognize these patterns in my friend, but I also started seeing similar elements in my children and other family members that were gifts from my own parents. I won’t go into detail now to protect the not-so-innocent. Still, it made me stop and think about opportunities to reconcile the past with the present and create a healthier future for ourselves and those important to us.

I’ve always said that forgiving is not forgetting but disciplining our minds to let go of the burden we carry and the resentments we harbor against others. It’s not about canceling what happened in the past but learning from the challenges and purposing to make better choices moving forward. In this way, we can look at our growing patterns, recognize where we could have changed for the better, and find ways to implement perspectives we may not have previously considered.

Alan Paton was a South African writer and anti-apartheid activist. His works included Cry, the Beloved Country, Too Late the Phalarope, and numerous essays. He’s credited with the following commentary:

Such wisdom in these words! The quote underscores our need to look directly at what has happened in the past and not erase or make excuses. Instead, the words spur us on to take advantage of the opportunities to learn and grow stronger, steadier, and with a focused intention to ensure positive outcomes. This can be true for relationships, business practices, education, faith, and an endless list of things that we, as humans, tend to mess up before we get a handle on functionality to ensure the greatest good.

One of my favorite verses in Scripture depicts my meaning and intentions in the following passage:

“To comfort all who mourn,
To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

And they shall rebuild the old ruins,
They shall raise up the former desolations,
And they shall repair the ruined cities,
The desolations of many generations.”  Isaiah 61:2b-4 (NKJV)

The parts that particularly speak to me are beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for heaviness, and then repair ruined cities, hinting toward reparations in future generations. Beauty for ashes is poignant because it directly relates to forgiveness and the wonderful feeling of being unburdened by the heaviness of past mistakes, choices, and inappropriate situations in which we may have found ourselves.

Perhaps you can relate. Maybe there have been times when you’ve felt the pangs of past indiscretions, or you might have been the victim of some event that you’ve tried to erase from your mind. It could be that you said something mean-spirited that wreaked havoc on a friendship or regret not being present for someone when they needed your specific gifts and talents. Or maybe you’ve fallen out with a loved one and can’t seem to find your way back to make amends.

It’s not too late! Take time this week to inventory events, spoken words, or situations that have left you feeling the need for reconciliation. Maybe there’s someone in your life who needs your help with walking through their personal inventory. You can be salt and light to find the beauty for ashes in your own life or assist someone in their journey. My guess is it will be worth the effort!

Be Well & Be Blessed!
Lucinda