“The greatest gift we can give another human being is the gift of our attention. Listening is a way of healing.”

Frank Ostaseski

Good Morning, and Happy April!

I’ve been getting a lot of chuckles from the memes I’ve seen lately about welcoming Spring in the middle of what still feels like Winter here in the USA. It’s funny how we set ourselves up for one thing, and then another happens. We have to get really good at switching things up in a hurry, even when we’re sure we know what’s coming next.

I think listening is a lot like that. Often, we anticipate hearing something from someone and prepare a response for what we think will be said. Have you ever done that? Someone says “Hello,” and we respond with “I’m fine, thanks,” without even really listening to what’s been said. That’s a pretty mild example, but it happens more often than we think.

And it can get really challenging when there’s more at stake. Take an argument with someone we care about. We’re so busy contemplating our rebuttal that we don’t stop for a moment and listen with the intent of hearing what’s being said. We kinda get on a trajectory and have a tough time being patient enough to let the other person complete his or her thoughts.

Sometimes, it’s the other way around. For example, I spend most of my days listening to people because that’s what I’m trained to do ~ listen to the content of what people are saying to help them learn to catch themselves ruminating on unwanted thoughts or failing into negative default patterns. It’s tough because I’m expected to be the listener regardless of the circumstances and frequently, I find myself listening even when I’m off the clock, so to speak. Once in a while, I appreciate it when others just listen as I talk, even when it’s about nothing particularly significant.

So, today, I thought I’d list some characteristics of a good listener for those of us who find reasons, by vocation or simply because of who we are, to remind ourselves of the virtues of being a good listener.  

  • Remain present,
  • Don’t be distracted,
  • Stay curious,
  • Be sincere, open-minded, and don’t judge,
  • Pay attention to your senses, non-verbal cues reveal a lot,
  • Ask relevant questions,
  • Accept others’ opinions and keep your own in check,
  • Don’t interrupt,
  • Be authentic,
  • Know your limits.

MindDoc Health 2024 Here’s something else that will help:

Photo by ISKRA Photography. No copyright infringement intended

Yes, listening is a gift. James 1:19 instructs us how to respond during trials when the author writes, “… be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath …” and in Proverbs 1:5, “… a wise man will hear and increase learning …” (NKJV). Indeed, these are excellent examples of the virtues of being a good listener.

We all have daily opportunities to listen to others. Sometimes, it’s at work where we receive instruction and can often give feedback. Those are times of particular interest because we can be heard. Frequently, it’s at home where our listening ears are needed to discern and assist our loved ones. It’s where our unconditional love can significantly impact the lives of the people we most cherish. Occasionally, it’s outside in the world (unless you’re like me and spend your days listening as a vocation), where we encounter various circumstances that give us the chance to hone our listening skills.

Wherever it is, please take full advantage of the opportunities to listen and use all your skills to do it well! Listening is an art. If we practice getting it right, we’ll be able to hear what’s being said and sometimes unsaid and respond in edifying and affirming ways.

Have a great week listening and hearing new things!

Be Well & Be Blessed!

Lucinda